Daily Reading

I loved yesterday, memorial day. I didn't think I would yet I put aside my expectations and didn't play out the day in my head and just let things happen.

We went to my husbands best friends house to do a bar-b-que and hang out by the pool. Normally this situation is a family thing but it's also a drinking thing. Sometimes I drink....Sometimes to much....But it's a given that my husband will be really drunk always!

He did not drink and I loved watching him engaged in conversations (not drunken obnoxious banter), throwing footballs around with the kids and talking and laughing with me and every one else.

He is still not drinking, going to meetings, reading his Blue Book and calling his sponsor. As far as I know. I am not watching him or questioning him. I am trying very hard to stay out of his recovery.

I went to an Al-Anon meeting today after I went to pilates. Tuesday meetings is when we read ODAT, CTC & HFT......and talk about what applies in the daily reading. Early this morning I read CTC & HFT and little things applied but not really alot. When I was at the meeting someone read ODAT. It was about the alcoholic having a "slip" (lapse, relapse). The sentence that stood out to me was: "The bad moments will pass if I do not blow them up into tragedies.....Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again.....etc....

When I heard this I felt fear. Usually these reading hit home at just the right time. I AM sure if my alcoholic lapses, relapses, I won't be able to stay in this relationship. We have AGREED that if he drinks, he will move out. Right now it is only a week.....his track record isn't good.......I want to have faith in him, I really do. Yet I am skeptical. (I feel guilty for this.) Our relationship is really great right now.....His involvement with our family is really great right now.

My husband just told me that he was going out to meet his friend for a bit. This is the friend that he is always drinking with. This is also the friend he has known 20 something years...... I am not really worked up like I would normally be presuming all the bad things to come....but I am a bit concerned. I hope the ODAT doesn't apply today. I am not ready for it.

God...I pray for his sobriety and I pray for the will to carry this need for sobriety out. I deserve to have a life like this. My family deserves to have a life like this.