Thinking Clearly????

I read or heard somewhere that "When there isn't Chaos, that's when you see clear enough to do your best recovery work and that's when you have the most growth! - (Something like that....)
That makes perfect sense to me yet I also have problems with it.

When chaos occurs "in my face, right here and at the moment" I can't see anything. I just feel it. I feel hurt, angry, tired, outraged, protective of others seeing this/feeling this also, and extremely abandoned, etc.

When the chaos is still happening, (he is not home....he is out drinking and will be home, or out of town...drinking) I read, study, passionately feel and write down.....and work on my recovery. I know exactly what I feel, I know exactly what to say about what I'm feeling.....I write so fast on what applies and what I need to work on that I can't seem to get it down fast enough.

This moment, this time of my life....today..It's peaceful. I am unsure what to write. I am unsure what I'm feeling. I am not reading, I am not doing any recovery work. I am just sitting here trying to reflect and blog it. So is this my growth? Is this my best work?

(FYI - for myself on events. Went to get my daughters stuff yesterday out of her dorm. My husband asked to go. This is very unusual for him to participate in our lives especially in manual labor. I usually don't even ask. He hasn't been drinking all week until we arrived in her town and took her to lunch. He said this was his drinking day for the week. (I started planning the future (survival) on the outcome of how I would do it alone...again.... because he would be drunk, but he only had two beers at lunch......(Of course I felt better to remind him at lunch what we had to do (Fool!) so he wouldn't order more (like that would have stopped him!! (Please see this is exactly where you need to work on yourself!!) Long story short....We moved the stuff we needed to move, we started to drive home but needed to stop to get him beer for the ride home....he continued to drink.....we went out to dinner....he called me names, we fought, he passed out....blah, blah, blah, etc. etc. etc......
Today he is eating right again and he is not drinking....and I am wondering how long this is going to last....Pitiful!!
One more thing. His daughter said she had the best time while she was here. He only drank one night and he was the caring and loving man I know while sober!!! This is probably the second time (I can't remember the first, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt) she ever said she loved being here with him......I truly loved hearing that......