ODAT hitting home!

Today, May 10th, in ODAT hits home. I am writing what applies to me, so I can try to work on this!!

It reads:
There are kinds of involvement that can only make our difficulties worse. We make trouble for ourselves when we interfere with the alcoholic activities, trying to find out where he is, what he's been doing, where the money went. Suspicion, searching and prying will only keep us in a state of turmoil, and make the situation worse, instead of improving it.

Today's reminder: What we are meant to know will come to our knowledge without any action on our part. This is a basic spiritual truth, implicit in our slogan, Let go and Let God! When action is really required, as when a crisis happens, we will then be better prepared to meet the emergency.

Reading: "He that is in perfect peace suspects no one, but he that is discontented and disturbed is tossed about with various suspicions; he is neither quiet himself nor does he allow others to be quiet: (Thomas A'Kempis)

I am famous for hunting down my husband. They call me "radar". I am looking back at my proudness I felt about having the ability to do this!! I use to think, "Hah!" you can't hide from me!

Now, I am looking back and realizing the turmoil and despair I felt while I was doing this. My stomach use to turn and I was in a crazy spinning mode. Nothing was going to stop this crazy behavior until I got what I wanted.....To know where he was and what he was doing and who he was with!! (Even though I already knew this truth!!) Then what.....

No matter what I said, what I did, I couldn't get him to stop drinking or come home. If he did decide to come home, I really didn't want him home the way he was!! How was this a "win" situation.....It wasn't. My obsession made me as guilty as he was......and the letdown I felt in the end wasn't what I was after!! I am also truly insane. To this day....I am still doing the same thing all the time always expecting different results!! GEEZ!!!

I need to "Let go and Let God" and not just write it....DO IT!! I want this "perfect peace to suspect no one" but I need to stop trying to rationalize irrational behavior...and Do the work!! Even if the work is "Doing Nothing!"

This reading was really what I need to read and write about!!
BTW - Happy Mothers Day!! So far its been really nice!