Hurtful

Saturday, Sunday and Today were the longest days of mine in a long time.

My parents said they talked to him and asked him to make sure violence doesn't happen. He didn't come home Saturday night. I knew he was in Phoenix....so he must have stayed in a hotel.

Sunday morning my neighbor called me telling me my husband was there and drunk. I immediately packed myself a bag. The kids were sleeping. I was going to get out before he came home. I didn't want to see him. I left.

My daughter told me that he came in, woke her up to give her a pair of channel sunglasses. (She knows this is a loaded present.) He then proceeded to pour himself a vodka and left with a random guy that he had taken to Las Vegas with him.

I made spaghetti sauce for me and the kids because that's what I always do on Sundays. Around 4 p.m. he walked in really drunk and asked if he could have some spaghetti as if nothing happened. I started walking out and was going to leave again. He followed me and screamed at me that this was his house and he wasn't going anywhere and I didn't realize how things worked. He then kicked my car door as I was pulling out. He left again. I thought he was leaving back to another hotel. I was wrong. My husband came back to my neighbors house and passed out on their sofa. I knew I needed to leave because he was going to wake up and come home and nothing was going to be nice. They didn't believe me. They said that I should stay home. I left with my son on my way to a hotel when my friend called me and told me to go there......

About an hour later I received numerous verbal phone calls from my husband. I didn't answer them. One of the messages he left me was telling me he threw my makeup in the pool. I called my daughter who was home to ask what was happening and she told me she was swimming tryimg to get my stuff out of the pool. She said she yelled at him and told him he wasn't just hurting me, he was hurting the family. Then she left and came to where I was.

This morning I took my son to school and went to an Al-Anon meeting then went to an AA open meeting. He left me alot of messages for me to call him. I could tell he felt bad but I didn't have anything to say. That is my problem. I Listen to his bullshit and believe the empty promises, then we get back together and it keeps going and going......on the rocky roller coaster!!

My stepdaughter called me and told me he was real apologetic and sorry and he would sleep at his friends house until I calmed down and then talk to me. She said he was totally sober. I knew differently. A 6 day binge is going to be at least a couple of days to get out of. She told me he wasn't home, he was out to lunch with his friend. I went home but cautiously. I packed another bag and put it close to the door just in case.

His driver rang the bell around 5 and told me my husband was in his car sleeping. He asked me what to do with him. I told him to drop him off at his friends house as agreed. They left, but when I called to verify 20 min later I found out they were 5 min away from coming back. I grabbed my bags and left and pulled out when they were pulling in. I saw my friend walking and told her to come in the car so we could talk. We went into the stores parking lot and discussed this ordeal.

She is friends with both of us, yet she said we deserved to be in the house so the kids can have as much of a regular life that they can right now. I decided to go home and ask him to leave.

Before I got to the house my daughter came home and saw her dad drunk and yelled at him telling him he wasn't right by being there drunk and he should leave and do what he agreed to do. His friend, and believe it or not, the driver, told her it was his house and he doesn't have to go anywhere. She told me later that night that she wasn't on anyones side and was trying to be neutral, but can't because he's just getting drunker and drunker.

When I came home he saw me and just said he's leaving. I didn't even have to say anything. I knew he meant it. I left to give him a bit of time and took the kids to dinner. My neighbor told me he left with his suitcase and started walking down the street with a few tears in his eyes. I feel really bad and this is extremely hurtful, but I don't have any other choice. Nothing is changing so I have to. This really hurts....all of it!! I want "him" here.....not the "addict!"

We are home now and I don't know where he is. My son is asking for him which really hurts. I'm hoping he doesn't come back right now. When I went to put on my pajamas on the bathroom mirror in toothpaste was the word "Cunt". This just reassures that I'm doing the right thing.

I searched online for the keywords divorce and alcoholic and this is what came up. This is eye-opening. It was like I was writing it. It's even signed by Phoenix. The reply is an even better.

http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2006/02/08/alcoholic_ex/index.html?source=salon.rss