Going to Make it Work No Matter What!!

That was what was in my mind in my relationships when I was younger. Especially with the one who is now my husband!! I felt he was funny, made a good living, was cute......I could make him into something I could live with. Yes he drank, but back then in my late 20's (he in his 30's) that was what we did!! Yes he drank alot, but I could be good enough that he didn't need that.....I would be all that he needed me to be!! Then he would quit.......

This went on for about 15 years, I am a slow learner, and evidently so was he!! I wasted alot of my life thinking it was a matter of time before he would get "it"! (Whatever "it" was!)

"The Language of Letting Go" daily readings by Melody Beattie has been extremely helpful in my life. The readings really help me to see myself and my situations. Today's helped me write today's post. I am just going to write just a few pieces of it: (The text is mixed, it is written in the parts that apply to me)

June 7 - Into Orbit
It doesn't matter if they're hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they'd only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, IT DOESN'T MATTER, IT DOESN'T MATTER!!

I think I can change him.....Nobody's ever really given him a chance.....Nobody's ever really believed in him...Nobody's ever really appreciated him enough...Nobody's can do for him what I can.....
These are warning signs. Red lights. Red Flags. Stop Signs. If we have gotten hooked into believing that somehow we will be the one who will make the difference in someones life, if we are trying to prove how good we can be for someone, we are in trouble. This is a game. A deception. It won't work. It'll make us crazy. It will be self-defeating.

We may be the "one" all right - the one to winds up victimized. This thought pattern is not being responsible for oneself. It's a set up. It sets us up to stop paying attention to ourselves while we focus too much on the other person.

This is a rescue. It's a game move, a game we don't have to play. We don't have to prove we're the one. If we're the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they're the best thing that ever happened to us.

God, help me let go of my need to meet dysfunctional challenges in my relationships
..........................
My goal for myself is this prayer above......my feeling good enough that I don't need to look to other people for validation. I am there most of the days...especially these days......Which is a nice feeling.
Also, to be able to even recognize what I did in the past, to reflect on my wrongs and to get out of denial, is part of recovering.