Sense of Peace

This peacefulness I feel right now is bliss. My husband is still sober and talking and laughing with us. He is coming out of the ignoring stage and coming into the person I know and have always loved. I watch as he and my son laugh together. I see "him" not the "other him" (the one I loathe!)

I wasn't going to write tonight but I felt I had to for my recovery. I have to remember this feeling because I'm not sure how long it will last. My stepdaughter is coming tomorrow night and I most likely won't be able to post. I can't wait to see her yet I am always a bit fearful for a few reasons. One - I can tell my husband has some real embedded hurt inside him because every time she comes (which isn't often) he drinks heavy and acts invinsible. Two- when he acts bad I feel like I need to defend him.....because before she came he was completely different and I'm not sure what happened. Three - The older she gets the worse I see/hear her drinking gets. She can also play the blame game, etc. like her father and fling those sideways swords in my direction.

Of course I am always hopeful that he will stay sober and himself.....but my sponsor tells me that I am always predicting the future because it helps me stay in the survival mode, so at this time, I am going to try to stay in the moment. Will report back when I can.......