Sponsor

My husband came home after a meeting and looked a bit strange. When we started talking he told me that he got caught up on a phone call and by the time he got off it was 1:10 and he missed the meeting. (I was let down inside. I thought here come the excuses!)He told me he really needed to go to the bathroom so he went in the meeting room. When he came out he saw a guy there and asked him about how to find a sponsor. The guy told him to "pull up a chair!" (A sponsor! Wow! What a great thing and what a relief!) (As I'm typing this....I should see how I was judging him!)

He mentioned that he really like the guy....He had been in the program for 11 years and he owned a bar! My husband really liked that. The sponsor gave him 5 things to do: Buy the book, read the book for 20 min, call the sponsor and help somebody else. (I know that is only 4...but I forgot the other one.) I didn't understand the "help somebody else" but the more I think about it...It means to go to a meeting and talk to someone there about what you went through.....Which gets you to a meeting!! (Which is what one of my fears is....will he go to the meetings everyday.)

I am not understanding right now what is happening but it's really nice. My husband is so intentive it's a bit scary....but I love it. He is asking me how I'm feeling, etc....WHAT? I am not sure if he has ever asked me this and not walked away when I was answering. He is actually human right now.....Thank you God!!

I am noticing something that isn't good about this whole deal. I am becoming content and not reading my books and going to my meetings.......I need to keep up my work!!

We are going to a AA speaker meeting tonight. I have been to one of these before, alone. I asked my husband earlier if he would go with me. I have always dreamed of going to this meeting with him and I never thought it would ever be possible or if he went he would be rolling his eyes and mentally kicking and screaming. But he is going willingly...like as if we talked about going to dinner. I hope this speaker is good.....I think his sponsor will be there. I am looking forward to meeting him.

Inspirational

I found this on someone blog. I am not sure who wrote it or where it came from but I really liked it....It made me peaceful


The good you find in others, is in you too.
The faults you find in others are your faults as well.
After all, to recognize something you must know it.

The possibilities you see in others, are possible for you as well.
The beauty you see around you is your beauty.
The world around you is a reflection, a mirror showing you the person you are.

To change your world, you must change yourself.
To blame and complain will only make matters worse.
Whatever you care about, is your responsibility.
What you see in others shows you yourself.

See the best in others, and you will be your best.
Give to others, and you give to yourself.
Appreciate beauty, and you will be beautiful.
Admire creativity, and you will be creative.

Love, and you will be loved.
Seek to understand, and you will be understood.
Listen, and your voice will be heard.
Teach, and you will learn.

First Blog

I am really looking forward to this!! This will help me feel, yell, share, love!! This will help me measure my progress, which I am hopeful will be the beginning of my new life for myself. I understand that "my life" is what I make of it........
I am done with blame. I am ready.

Just a one time bit of information about me.
I have been married for 20 years. I really don't know what to say about that right now. I am a bit resentful about that. Not only with him, but mainly with myself. I have been a codependent to an alcoholic for a very long time. He has been/is a workaholic for even longer which makes him not be able to share any part of himself with me that I have been forever longing for. I am waving the white flag!!

Kids - I have two. One that I just lost to college....a girl, true drama queen. Her and I are so much alike it's scary!! (She is so codependent that my codependent ways want to fix her!! UGH!) and another....boy.....who is just reaching his preteen ways with girls and zits!! I am in that love him bunches/hate him stage!! BTW - love my kids and I can honestly say to myself that I am/have been the best mother I can be, they just drive me crazy sometimes.

I have been going back to Al-Anon for myself for about a month which has been making me stronger and happier. It is also giving me a new frame of mind. I am trying to keep the concentration on "Me". This is very hard to do when you have been involved with the alcoholic for a long time. This blog is to help me get from "My" addiction!!

This blog is also to talk to "anyone" to just be able to talk.........to find my voice again!! I have let life shut me down!!